PAIN

*Wrote this for a concert in May this year. It was meant to vocalise a guy's hurt. Ever felt like life's punching bag? Like everything in the universe is out to get you? Have you ever felt....

PAIN

I'm lost in lust and party with pictures of porn,


So there….JUDGE ME!!

I can’t stand the sound of silence,

The guilt, like the titanic, is too grande to ignore,

And so I decide to drown it in drink!

And so I drink up and drink big

-Internationale!

Russian Vodka!

French wine

Japanese saki,

American whiskey,

And they all leave me---lifted...but later

Wasted, deflated, destroyed.

Pissed off, angry, annoyed!!

And so I sink deeper, eager,

Drowning and already submerged ego.



I look at what I have,

And it just won’t/ doesn’t cut it!

Or come close to nearly being enough,

Still living under mum’s roof!

Really? That’s rough!

How will I find my independent woman,

When I’m still a dependent man?

And my bank balance reads five thousand?

This doesn’t fell fair,

I'm here laid bare,

Virtually naked!

While you sit and stare!

You can’t help me!!

Unless you can make me Steve Job’s heir.



So would you blame me for the pain?

For hating

A far-flung and forgotten father figure

An absent anomaly,

A man who was never around.

A man who said ‘Peace’,

Got lost and was never found.

If he ever did showed,

I’d .... you don’t want to know...

But don’t give me those eyes of pity,

Like ‘Oh poor him,’

You don’t know me!!

Your understanding of it all, is at best... really slim.

FOUND FILTHY

Preface:

It is very easy to get caught up in the daily routines and forget what it’s like to live a little. I recently had the opportunity to visit Ole Kasasi.

This is partly inspired by everything I took in. But it only crystallised when I sat quietly.

Preface II:

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but with God, everything you behold IS His beauty.

Making my life count for God’s fame and renown…

FOUND FILTHY

He desires a lifestyle that brings nothing but glory to Him,

His name is Elohim,

And I’m just another man,

A son of Adam.

He knows I have nothing to offer,

His renown should be all I’m after.

His fame should be my purpose,

My life His resource.

A light for this generation,

Inadequate and insecure…

That’s an accurate self-description.

Plagued by doubt,

Chasing my tail as if it can tell me what I’m about.

Unsettled by inactivity,

My faith a tiny ray,

Through an even tinier cavity.

Lord, are You there?

And do You hear?

I can’t seem to tune in...

Interference when I listen in...

It’s all static!

In fact it

Feels like I don’t have the frequency.

[Or is it me?]

I rack my brain,

Searching for truths about You.

You don’t expect me to know it all,

For I wouldn’t trust You for it all.

In my emptiness,

This vessel can only be filled by Your fragrance,

Your freshness.

How?

Through time spent with You

A cool hill top breeze.

But why?

[Pause]

And now I get it...

All You ever wanted,

Was time spent with me…

Yes…time spent with me…

…Me?

[eyes water]

I don’t think You get it…

Why me?

... so filthy…

A floor rug that You embrace to Your face.

Do you get it?